Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42
Quite a few years ago now I read a book, one of my more favorite books, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. I've actually read it several times and I'm thinking I might just need to read it again. Recently I've been overwhelmed and often in tears about all that I can't and don't get done. My house is far from clean, let alone organized, my hair is unwashed and untidy, my friendships are lacking in good communication and love and attention, my prayer time is scattered here, there and everywhere, and I certainly don't have time for the latest Pinterest project or reading through a whole Facebook feed. Sunday night I began the ridiculous process of beating myself up once again for failing to be the mom who can do things like edit a friend's paper AND make a craft with Izzy AND vacuum my floor. I began displacing my frustration onto my two year old; "Why won't Izzy just play independently for a while? Why does she always want my attention and interaction? Why won't she just play while I sweep and mop the floors?" She's two for Heaven's sakes! The real question is "Why am I asking her to be someone she's not right now?" And I think the answer lies in the fact that I got caught up, once again, in being a Martha Mom.
I find myself getting caught up in the "preparations" for life as a mom. Do I have enough snacks in the diaper bag? Do I have the diaper bag? Do I have enough activities to get us through the day? Do I have enough adventures for us to go on this week? Can I feed my family and whoever decides to drop by? Is my floor clean enough that babies won't ingest foreign objects as they crawl around? Notice the word repeated in there? Enough--am I enough? I feel like that's what was running through Martha's head as she prepared for Jesus. "Do I have enough food to feed all of the guests who drop by wanting to meet the Teacher? Is my house tidy enough that people have places to sit? Do I look presentable enough to entertain this amazing man and his followers? Have I done enough??? Come on Mary, help me! I'm trying to get this all done here!"
And Jesus says, "Stop striving and come sit by your sister. She has chosen communion with me. She has chosen relationship over realities. She has chosen intimacy over worry. She has chosen quality time over quality of stuff. Come sit with me."
I know that this call is for us to sit at Jesus' feet, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is also a call to sit at the feet of my children as well. Perhaps Jesus is calling us to be still and be with our children. To choose relationship over the realities of a dirty house. To choose intimate moments of laughter and playing pretend over fear that we don't have the right activities planned. To choose to give undivided attention to our kiddos instead of half-heartedly cleaning our house or scrolling on the Internet. God has called me to this job right now, the job of mothering, and yes homemaker as well, but I believe mothering is the higher calling. I can get so caught up in the "shoulds" of life--my house should be clean and organized, I should have fun activities planned, I should have somewhere exciting to go every day, I should document every exciting thing that happens with my camera--that I miss the moments with my kids. I'm wondering if, in these precious years, I need to be a Mary Mom.
This requires a conscious moment by moment choice to let go of the endless to do lists and societal pressures I place on myself. This requires me to be content with less than perfect in, let's be honest, most areas of my life. This requires me to be still, to be focused and to be content with interacting with my kids. It is a discipline at this point to set aside other things in order to place my children at the forefront. But that discipline is important because God has called me to help my children become disciples, and the only way I can truly do that is if I make time with them a priority. In our fast paced society I find it so hard to be still, to not multitask, to just rest in one thing, with one relationship, with one person. Perhaps if I practice this discipline in my interactions with my children, my ability to be still with my Father will also be honed.
I honestly had a hard time practicing this exact principle today as I sat to write this post. It's been on my heart and so I longed to put it down in writing. But about one paragraph in, Josh woke up from his nap. I was so tempted to get him fed, get him happy with a toy and sit back down to start writing away. It was SO tempting! It would just take a few minutes. I, however, chose to sing songs and play with him. It might not have been productive in the traditional sense and I might not have much to show for that time spent right now, but I placed importance on my time with him. I won't always get to do this. There are responsibilities I must fulfill--making dinner, doing laundry, washing dishes--so if I have the choice to give him my time in this moment, why wouldn't I? I need to sit at my babies' feet. I need to be a Mary Mom, most other things can wait.
