Hell, Fire and Brimstone

We've all heard it; we've all seen it.  The preachers on TV telling people if they do not repent, they are going to Hell.  The street preachers standing on their soap boxes screaming at people that they need to turn to God or they will burn for eternity.  And we all roll our eyes, Christians and non-Christians alike.  I can't speak to exactly what the non-Christians think, but I imagine it's something along the lines of, "This is ridiculous.  I'm not going to burn in Hell because I tell a few lies or cheat on my math test." Or maybe it's something like, "There's no such thing as sin. We all make choices, and some people have assigned negative and positive connotations to them, but in the end it's just a choice.  I'm going to do what I want."  Or perhaps I'm completely off.

I know the Christians roll their eyes because we think "this isn't the way to win people to Jesus. No one is going to hear 'Oh, I'm going to Hell, well then I'd better find Jesus. He's the only salvation.' These people need to know God LOVES them, Jesus died for them.  That's how we win them to Jesus."  We don't like the bullhorn, soap box, fire and brimstone preachers because they give us Christians a bad name.

But I've got to tell you, I've been reading the book of Revelation of late, and while I might not do it, I can see where the fire and brimstone preachers are coming from.  The book of Revelation, the book that details the end days of when Jesus will return, is some scary stuff.  The horrible things described in that book make my stomach churn, literally.  Plagues of stings from scorpion-like insects that will cause writhing for 4 months, rivers of blood so that there is no water to drink, scorching heat that burns the flesh, utter darkness that causes men to eat their tongues.  This is horrifying stuff.  And each day when I open my Bible to read all I can think is, "I do not want a single person on this planet to suffer this fate.  They need to know Jesus," and then I begin to cry and pray like crazy.  It has been like this for the last two weeks now. I read, I writhe in horror at the fate of mankind, I imagine those I know and love, and even those I don't know, suffering this fate, I cry, and then I plead with God on their behalf.

I now get it.  I get why people might preach these realities.  In some ways, preaching Hell, fire and brimstone could be an act of preaching love.  "I love you enough that I do not want to see you suffer. I love you enough that I need you to know what happens if you do not recognize your brokenness and turn to Jesus.  I need you to know that there is an escape from this torture and His name is Jesus.  And I need you to know that knowing Him will not only spare your eternal life, it will radically bring you joy in this life."  In reading this book I've really been wondering if this really is the way to go.

And then time and again I read these words in Revelation, "and they did not repent of their deeds" and "they did not repent, so as to bring glory to God."  The people living in these horrors do not even see it. They don't see that if they would just say "I'm sorry, you were right God. I need Jesus," that everything would change.  No matter what they see, they have hardened their hearts to the one who can free them.  It is just like the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16.  The rich man ignores the needs of Lazarus his whole life and when he dies he sees the error of his ways.  The rich man begs God to go tell his family the truth about who God is, but God says "If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone rises from the dead." (Luke 16:31)  No matter how real the signs, how miraculous the miracles, how horrific the wrath of God, many will turn and walk away from Jesus and never believe.  This just breaks my heart.  I have no words to describe my sorrow.

I'm not really sure what God is teaching me through this.  Perhaps He is teaching me that some will be won to Him with love, and some will be won to Him with tales of the horror to come.  Maybe there is a time and a place for both.  But I think even more so He is breaking my heart for those who are lost and in need of Him.  He is causing me to ponder, to weigh heavy, the great need for Him is this world.  He is giving me a sense of urgency to "go therefore and make disciples of all nations."  This world needs Him.  Not just a fleeting need of "oh He will make their life a little better" or "oh He will get them through this rough patch".  No this world needs a Savior, a "my life is in ruins, I don't deserve to keep living, I deserve Hell, but You loved me enough to redeem me, You want me to know joy, truth, goodness, and these can only be found in You, spare me from myself and the eternal consequences of my sin" Savior.  And this is why I am here.  I am here to tell the world about this Savior.  May God continue to break my heart and open my mouth to tell of ALL that He has done.

And He has done it.  He has made a way. He has rescued us.  "For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that whether we are awake or asleep we may live together with Him." (1 Thessalonians 5:9-10) He does not, read that again, He DOES NOT want to pour out His wrath on us!  He longs for us to know Him, to come to Him, to spend eternity where "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain" (Revelation 21:4)  There is such freedom from this horrible world, such freedom from our bondage, and it costs us nothing.  He gives to us the gift of life freely, "And He said to me 'It is done, I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost" (Revelation 21:6, emphasis added).  He will give you life, He will give it freely.  You just have to ask, you have to want it.  Once you taste a life with Him, a water that forever quenches your thirst, you will willingly give Him all of you.  We follow Him, we sacrifice because He did.  We want to be like Him, we long to give Him the glory. I challenge you to look at Jesus, really look at Him, read His words, get to know this man, and you will want more.  You will want this water of life that He gives without cost.

The book of Revelation ends with the Holy Spirit and the church beckoning to the those who do not know Jesus: "'Come' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes to take the water of life without cost." (Revelation 22:17) So please, come! Come and listen and drink from the streams of life.  May you know a God who does not want to pour out His wrath, a God who has restrained His wrath for thousands of years, a God who has made a way to protect people from His wrath in His son Jesus. God does not want to see His people perish, but ultimately He must put an end to the evil of this world.  So come, choose Jesus, run from the world and into the loving arms of a Savior. I want this for you, I weep over this for you.  This is my prayer for you.  May you be spared the horrors of Hell and live with Jesus in eternity forever and ever. Amen.

Incomplete Thoughts on Radical Living

This blog post won't be a completely thought out, but instead will be centered around my thought process as I work out and wrestle with what God is teaching me.

I'm listening to this Secret Church podcast (done by David Platt from the Church at Brook Hills) about Wealth, Possessions and Prosperity.  It is an incredibly convicting sermon on so very many levels.  I only get to listen to about 15 minutes at a time, but my heart and mind keep churning over the topics being presented.  At the beginning Platt talks about blind spots in our faith. He says that we all have blind spots, areas of sin we can't see clearly.  He gave the example of slavery; as Christians, we look back on the era of slavery in American history and wonder how on Earth Christ following people allowed and even justified this kind of atrocity against an entire race of people. Platt then went on to wonder if a few generations from now people will look at the wealth and prosperity of our generation with the same wondering question; how could people who believe in Jesus spend money so lavishly on themselves when other people around the world suffered from such poverty?  It's such a good question and this analogy just resonates in my heart.  What are we as American Christians doing to help a hurting world?

As Americans we are at the very least in the wealthiest 10% of the world, and if we make more than $50,000 a year we are amongst the wealthiest 1%.  I think it's easy for us to point a finger at those millionaires and say, "What are they doing about the poor and hungry?" But we are equally rich, what are WE doing about it?

Platt goes through the Old and New Testament pulling on the teachings of wealth throughout scripture, but he spends a lot of time on Jesus' teachings.  Jesus speaks so often on abandoning ourselves, leaving behind our old lives, loving Him extravagantly to the point that it looks like we hate the world.  Our living for Him should be sacrificial in nature. Our lives SHOULD look different than someone who isn't following Jesus.  Out of our love for Him, we should love others. And if we truly loved others, we would never let a single person go hungry. We would never let a man go without clothing or shelter.  We would forsake ourselves for others, and in those earthly sacrifices, Jesus says we will find eternal gain.  It's a wise investment as we let go of our money and possessions on this earth and instead invest in the eternal gain of loving others so extravagantly they can't help but know Jesus. And you know what? In the early church for a short time, no one in the church went hungry! (Acts 4:34 "For there was not a needy person among them...")

So as Herb and I sat down last night to create a budget based on our new income, I was torn.  We finally have a little wiggle room in our budget.  We can budget in things like eating out, fun activities for the kids, Starbucks.  Part of me was giddy with excitement.  I mean, I can buy Starbucks without a gift card?!?  That's pretty cool! But I continued to think, "How could I justify buying a cup of coffee when someone out there is going hungry?" And this really goes for anything, "How can I justify buying tickets to a baseball game when someone out there will not eat for the next 3 days?" "How can we justify saving for a trip to Disneyland when we could go feed bodies and souls that are hungry?"

So my question is--is Jesus calling me to live THIS radically?  Should I take any extraneous money in our budget and feed those who hunger?  Is it appropriate to buy my daughter a Halloween costume or should we set aside that money for taking meals to the homeless in parks in downtown Phoenix?

And honestly my mind keeps looking for an out.  I keep thinking, "Well how am I supposed to make friends if we can't go do things together?" Or "It's important for my kids to have these experiences, to share in the joy of dance lessons or Disneyland." Or "Maybe Jesus just meant when I see a need to give, not just to give always."  (The scary thing about that one--I don't allow myself to be in places where I see the need.  That's a whole different topic.) I also keep wanting to talk to people who I consider to be "strong believers" and have them talk me down from this crazy ledge.  Surely this isn't what Jesus meant! But I think it is.

I'm not a very possessions oriented person, so I thought this sermon series wouldn't challenge me as much as it has.  But what I am is an experience oriented person.  I want to spend my money on the experience of dining out, the experience of taking my kids to Disneyland, the experience of my kids opening gifts Christmas morning.  (With the Christmas season coming, my mind is continuing to race about this...)

Jesus is calling me to sacrifice, not out of guilt but out of love.  My heart should be moved with compassion and love to give to those in need, to willingly give up my cup of Starbucks to allow a child to eat another day.  It means setting aside myself for the sake of others.  It means selfless living, and selfless loving.  But am I willing to do it? That's the real question. And how do I include or not include my husband and children in that journey? Is my conviction one I need to impose on others?

My mind is racing with questions.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  And I'd really love to see scripture included in your thoughts.  What does God say? I'm on a quest to discover that; I'll try to let you know what I find.

We're moving...

In case you hadn't heard the news, the Garcias are leaving Tucson.  Herb was offered a job in Phoenix and as we prayed and considered the offer, it seemed to be the direction that God was leading us.  While Herb was immediately excited, it would be mild for me to say I did NOT want to go.  Tucson has been my home for the last 13 years.  I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere in my life.  I have cultivated friends here that I consider family--these friends have served as family in times of sorrow and joy.  They have walked with Herb and me through the death of one child and the birth of two more.  They have challenged me, supported me, understood me and loved me.  I found myself as an educator while living here.  I came into my own as a teacher with some of the most amazing educators walking beside me; I delighted in teaching and sharing life with the most wonderful students a teacher could ask for.  I became a wife in Tucson.  I became a mom in Tucson.  This place has been an amazing home for me and for my children, and I deeply ached to say goodbye to it. 

My mind and heart kept fighting God on this.  Why would He take me away from this place?  Why would He uproot me in an already very difficult season of my life?  Why would He take my children away from their friends?  Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?  For someone who didn't ask "Why?" when I lost my daughter, I sure made up for it with the announcement of this move.

But as I have written at the very top of Lamentations in my Bible, "When we become bitter through affliction we harden the very heart that God meant to grow and change," so I set out to allow God to change me. It has not been easy; in fact it's been quite painful.  Herb is gone during the weeks right now, which means it's me and the kids against the trying-to-sell-our-house world.  I try to keep the house spotless and picked up while allowing my kids to live a life that's as normal as possible. I get both kids to bed at night and then spend an hour doing dishes, scrubbing floors, and vacuuming, only to collapse in bed as quickly as possible before one of them is awake again.  I try to navigate parenting alone, applying the right consequences, spending time with my kids even though there's a basket of laundry to fold.  We have a FaceTime relationship with Herb during the week, trying our best to connect over a tiny phone.  This life we're living right now is not ideal, but I keep trusting that God still has us in Tucson for a reason.  He has left us here to finish whatever work He has for us in the weeks (or maybe months) to come. 

I've heard God's gentle reminders that following Him usually comes at a price; it requires a sacrifice of self, of comfort, even of the things we most treasure.  He gave His life for us, and now it is our turn to give our lives for Him. I remind myself daily, "Not my will, but Thy will be done."

It's somewhat humorous to me when I tell others we're moving, and they respond with "How exciting!" because I certainly don't feel that way.  I haven't felt the excitement of dreaming of new places to live, when I love the house I live in.  I don't relish the idea of making new friends in a time of life when I can barely get a sentence out before I have to intervene as my daughter is sitting on my son's head. I don't like change very much, thus I rarely couple the word "excitement" with change.  And yet I have found an excitement in following God into the unknown.  I have prayed "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, wherever You have called me.  Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." And God has answered that prayer.  I am excited to heed God's calling.  I am excited to think about who we might impact, the community we will move to, the places we might serve. I love the idea of not being stagnant, of allowing God to move us and change us.  And believe it or not, I'm excited to have so many things stripped away, so that maybe I will lean on Him more deeply.  I read this book a while back (I think it was Out of Control and Loving It, but I'm not positive) and the author wrote, "All that can be shaken, will be shaken."  Basically she was declaring that God is going to shake away those things that keep us from Him--He will not allow us to stay dependent on anything or anyone else.  I think of this phrase a lot as so many things seem to fall out from under me these days.  Jesus is asking me to press into Him, and while 5 times out of 10 that is not my response, the other 5 times allow me to grow a little closer to my Maker.

My life is in a holding pattern right now.  Do I commit to things or do I just wing each day?  Do I pursue new friendships or hide myself away?  Do I still belong here?  Do people still want me around? Do I make doctor's appointments? How do I spend my time? It's tough living in limbo, but I love this verse I read a few weeks ago in my quiet time:  
I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
Psalm 130:5-7
And so I wait, in hope of what God will do and  how God will work.  He will work, and in His time He will provide a buyer for our house, and a new place to live, and the strength to walk through it all.  I need hourly and sometimes minutely reminders of this truth--that there is Hope and there is a plan.  God is at work even in the silences.  And in the meantime I seek to glorify Him the best I can in my day to day here.  I ask Him for opportunities to shine His light into darkness, even in the mundane drudgery that is constantly cleaning my house and wearily caring for two kids on my own.  I want my life to matter even in those moments, I want Him to receive glory in all that I do.  I have to trust that somehow He is being glorified through my life right now, even though I feel most days like I'm just surviving.

So in case you haven't heard, we're moving, and more importantly God is moving.  He is moving in our hearts and in our lives to change us and to impact His kingdom.  And for that I will take a "How exciting!"

How Jessie Met Bullseye

Last night as I was lying in bed with Izzy she asked me to tell her a story.  So I cooked up this little beauty, and I have now told it at least twenty times. Enjoy!

Once upon a time Jessie was wandering through the desert when her boot broke.  So she hobbled back to town. Limp. Hobble. Limp. Hobble. Limp. Hobble. When she got to the shoemakers shop, he was out eating dinner, so she hobbled down to the restaurant to meet him. 

At the restaurant she asked the shoemaker, "Can I buy you a hamburger?" 

He said, "Sure!"

After they finished their burgers Jessie asked the shoemaker, "Can you fix my boot now?"

"Of course!" Jessie followed the shoemaker back to his shop hobbling all the way.

After he fixed her boot the shoemaker said, "Next time you break your shoe you should ride your horse back into town."

Jessie replied, "But I don't have a horse!"

The shoemaker said, "You do now! Come outside and meet Bullseye!"

And that is how Jessie got Bullseye. "Yee-haw!"

A Journey into Joy

This last year has been a journey into joy for me.  As I've truly struggled with yet another colicky, sleepless baby, I have been in a wrestling match with God.  I am so thankful He enters into this wrestling, that He never just leaves us alone in our pain and doubt.  Night after night, day after day, I would pray for Josh to stop screaming, for him to find a peaceful sleep, and night after night and day after day nothing would change.  Oh my aching heart!  This felt like a déjà vu from 3 years ago. Endless nights of sleepless Izzy, fussy days of fighting over naps and wondering why she wouldn't just play happily.  Why wouldn't God answer my prayers?  Why was this such an endless struggle for me?  Why did I feel so incredibly alone in this experience? Thankfully Josh is an extremely smiley baby, and when he wasn't crying inconsolably he was charming my pants off!  God is so faithful to give us Hope in the midst of darkness.  And yet I was still in anguish and really questioning my unanswered prayers.

But this time, this last few months, something changed within me. I think it started when I began reading Drawing Near by John Bevere again.  It is an amazing book about walking intimately with Jesus.  I just love the simple truth that God draws near to those who draw near to Him.  So I started making an effort to draw near to Jesus in those long night hours.  It seems silly to say that seeing as I had been praying during those hours before, but this time I walked in without the pretense of rescue and instead with the desire to just be with Jesus.  Instead of looking for answers, I was just looking for companionship.  And Jesus was so faithful to meet me there.  I think He was there in my cries of desperation, but I couldn't hear Him over my own wailing.  This time I quieted my heart and found His small, gentle voice.  And there it was, joy.  Joy that my heart had so been missing.  Joy that my aching heart needed so very badly.

This joy isn't consistent, I know, due to my lack of faith.  There are still days when I sit in Josh's room stewing about why he won't nap this time.  And there are still nights when I am awake grumbling over yet another sleepless night. But now there are far more days where I am able to delight in and find joy throughout the chaotic moments.  More often than not I am able to smile and laugh when my daughter paints on the bath tub I just cleaned, or spills frozen peas all over the floor. I can engage with Josh at a different level of enjoyment--savoring his "uh-oh's" and giggling as I hear him race at full speed across the kitchen in search of the fun being had in Izzy's room. I absolutely adore watching my sleeping Josh in the middle of the night even though I am completely bone weary. I am SO thankful for the joy that I have found!

And yet, I have a sadness within me as I experience this joy. I am deeply saddened at the fact that it took me two and a half years to find this soul satisfying joy.  I am completely grieving the fact that I did not truly know this joy when Izzy was a baby.  I was so lost in my frustration, and exhaustion, and bitterness that I missed out on those quiet moments of reflection on her sweet, sleeping face.  I was so busy searching for answers that I didn't stop to delight in her laughter and silliness.  I wasn't completely bereft of these joys; I still enjoyed my daughter, it was just largely tainted by an anger with the imperfection of the situation.  I am sad that I did not choose joy when Izzy was a baby the way I am more able to now with Josh.  I feel like I missed out on the opportunity to savor her infanthood.

I have struggled and struggled with this sadness the past few weeks and have concluded that it's okay to be sad, it's fitting.  But I can't go back, I can't undo it.  Instead I can just make peace with how God used those days and nights to bring me to where I am today.  It was a journey to joy, and sometimes the road to our destination is ugly and winding and a little bit blinding. I know God has a purpose for my struggle and I am not going to live in the "what if".  Instead I will just choose to delight in my kids daily, choosing joy over bitterness.  The key is in the choosing. It is important to recognize that we must choose to walk with God every day, every moment.  And it's important to realize that we are going to screw that up at least 1,000 moments a day.  But that is why there is grace. 

I need grace, and so do you.  In these moments of grieving over my bitterness I need grace even more.  Grace to know that I wasn't the perfect mom, and even upon finding my joy, I still won't be the perfect mom.  I have a lot to learn.  At church on Sunday the pastor said, "those who allow God to give them the most grace, those who need grace the most, are the ones who in turn give grace generously."  I want to give grace generously, especially in this parenting gig.  It is so easy to point fingers at other moms and think we have the magic solution or the best method, but we're imperfect at this whole parenting thing and so are they.  God teaches each of us things at different points in the journey.  So when I'm sitting at the park tut tutting the mom who is feeding her kid Cheetos at 9 o'clock in the morning, or in the line at the grocery store as the mom gives her kid in the cart her phone to play with, I need to step back and remember that they need grace just like me.  And in those days when I'm so frustrated with myself for once again falling into bitterness or anger with my children, I need to remember to give myself grace as well.  I think it's impossible to have true joy without knowing true grace--the freedom to mess up, to be imperfect because you know a love that covers a multitude of sins.  And then in turn, hopefully my children will know grace and joy and a love that forgives. I want my children to know these things, and so I must pursue them myself.

So with this post I own my sadness and also let it go.  Holding on to it would only lead to less joy, and I'm choosing joy these days.  I hope you are able to choose joy today too.

The REAL Advent and the New Year

Since I no longer have time to write full fledged blog posts, I am thinking I'll start posting my more thought out Facebook posts on here so that I can keep them for perusing at a later time.  Here are a few from my last week:

• My word for 2013 was contentment. God took me on an amazing journey this year as He taught my heart to be more and more content. I am amazed as He transformed my initial goal with this word, financial contentment, and brought me to a new place of contentment with all of my difficult circumstances. I am far from perfect in this area but I have watched The Lord change me so dramatically that I am certain this year stands as a testimony to God's grace in my life. I am thankful for a living and active God who works intimately in our hearts. Excited for my word for 2014; stay tuned for its unveiling tomorrow

• I know you are waiting with bated breath for this announcement My word for 2014 is ABIDE. This year I want to learn how to truly abide with Jesus, to be present with Him, to choose time with Him over any other seemingly pressing priority. I am looking forward to God showing me what else this word means for my heart as the word always takes on so much more meaning as the year progresses. My word for this year comes with these verses to meditate on: Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15:4, 5 NASB)

• At 9 months today my sweet smiley boy waves and says "hi", claps and makes an adorable fishy face! Meanwhile his sister loves building Legos with daddy, has suddenly become keenly aware of the feelings of others, and is currently sitting in her room cracking up at a joke in her Fancy Nancy book! (Next time you see her ask her what color a burp is...) Herb and I won the kid lottery

• I've been thinking about the anticipation of Christmas.  Christmas is a great tease of what Hope is about--the anticipation of something wonderful to come. The joy, the peace, the overall longing for this one event.  But the thing about Christmas is that it always disappoints.  There's always a let down, whether it be not getting a gift we were longing for, unkind words exchanged, meltdowns on Christmas due to over stimulation.  Or even a perfect Christmas day, which is followed by the sadness of taking everything down and hiding it away until next year.  But as I said, Christmas is a TASTE of what Hope is about.  Because the real Hope that comes from Jesus does not disappoint (Romans 5:5).  There will be no let down, no next time, no unfulfilled gifts, no postponing of joy and peace until another day.  The Hope of Jesus will fulfill, always.  He will remain with us, always.  That is the advent we can hold on to all year long!