Pain Gives You Feet

When you are walking through pain it is so so so hard to see what God is doing. But pain transforms and softens your heart if you allow it to. Pain gives you feet to press into the pain of others, to walk towards the hurting and not away. "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted" AND they shall be comforters. This is God's beautiful design for His people; it is how He gives beauty for ashes and strength for fear. I love this God who sees something beautiful in the midst of things that are so so so broken.

Idol Worship, Idle Worship

An Idol: something which you feel you would die if it were taken from you
~Tim Keller

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.  For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures." Romans 1:20-23

As all of my epiphanies stem from the words of other wise people, this new insight came from a sermon I listened to a few days ago by Tim Keller. It was entitled A World of Idols. His definition of idol, as mentioned above, shook me to my core.

I barely needed to think for three seconds before identifying my greatest idol--sleep. It was a passing thought in my mind as I continued to listen to the sermon, but this morning the truth resounded loudly in my ears as I arose at the early hour of 4:30 to be with one of my sleepless kiddos. I know no greater anger than that which comes from stolen sleep, which is just ridiculous as there are so many greater injustices in the world. I could name them all, and I often do as I am fighting with myself over my exaggerated emotions. This morning as I was laying with Josh stewing, just ranting in my head about the child he is and my great frustration with his sleeping patterns, grumbling about how impossible it is to survive much less thrive on this kind of sleep schedule, the words from Keller's sermon bulldozed me. I truly felt like I was going to die as a result of this thing taken away from me. I was screaming in my head that it was such an unrealistic expectation to believe I could live like this! Sleep is my idol.

I've known this for a while. In fact last Lenten season I gave up sleep, literally, in that I vowed to wake earlier than my kids every day to spend time with God. I was going to want God more than I wanted sleep; I was going to train my body and mind to believe that. And it worked, sort of. In the last year I have certainly become more accepting and less bitter about my sleepless nights. But I find that while I have long stretches of freedom from this idolatry, it all comes bubbling up again after a particularly long stretch of weariness.

Sleep is the idol of my mind. I think about when I'll get to sleep, how much I'll get, how I will get my kids to sleep, when they will be up again, when I'll be up again, how I will get my kids to sleep (oh did I already say that?!?) I think these things over and over and over. I obsess, I dwell, I certainly think about it as much, if not more, than I pray.  I have made sleep my god in many ways; I have let it rule my actions and control my thoughts. It is my first thought when I rise and my last when I lie down at night.




The problem with idols is that they stem from good things, things God designed for our fulfillment, joy and ultimately for His glory. In Romans 1:20 we see that creation was made to reveal His divine attributes, to reveal our glorious Lord.  And again in 1 Corinthians 10:26 we see that "the Earth is the Lord's and all it contains."  God made everything, and it was good.  Sleep is good; God designed it to rejuvenate our bodies and minds.  He created it to remind us that we need rest; that we must relinquish complete power and control of our world for one-third of our day to the one who is in control of everything.  It is a constant niggling in our mind that we must rest in Him.  But when the good things become the thing we most believe will bring us fulfillment or joy, when they become our focus or our goal, when our dreams of those good things become greater than the Creator of those good things, there we must take pause.  It is there that we find ourselves kneeling at the foot of a lesser god instead of kneeling at the foot of the cross.

So what do I do now that I know? I can't walk away from sleep. I can't throw this idol in the garbage can or move away from it. What do we do with idols that we must conquer, day in and day out? I don't think there are easy answers, but I do think I must take my thoughts captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 exhorts us in this practice, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." If I am going to destroy these thoughts that are standing me against the risen Lord, I need to be aware of these thought patterns. And then I need to name them. I need to call it idolatry; giving it that name already moves me to a new frame of mind. As I take each thought captive, Jesus helps me to understand exactly what it is I am dealing with. "And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life.  Little children, guard yourselves from idols" (1 John 5:20-21).  That which is true, Jesus, is juxtaposed with that which is untrue, idols. Acknowledging the one true God enables us to guard ourselves from idols.  If I can call out those thoughts of idolatry as false joy-givers and name Jesus as the only joy-giver, I can move towards freedom from this idol. I need to make Jesus my God. I need to recognize that He should be where I place my thoughts, my time, my attention. I need to kneel at the feet of the One who can give me great strength beyond myself, the One who can stand in the gap of my sleeplessness. He is able, and I need to believe that. I need to have faith that He is stronger and more capable than sleep could ever be! Because idols are false gods, weaker gods. Idols cannot do what we know our God can do. So why would we place our hope in anything less than He would die for our sins?

This is a battle ground.  To replace things that are first and foremost in our minds with something else is a moment by moment battle. I will wage the war all day long and probably all night long; I will continually have to flee from idolatry (1 Corinthians 10:14).  And each night, and each morning, I will have to give myself over to the God who is more powerful than my sleeplessness, to the God who will walk with me and give me strength, and honestly to the God who created coffee.  Coffee is one of His good gifts, it points me back to Him.  I can do all things through Christ who stands in my gaps and provides the strength to serve my kids day in and day out, whether I've gotten 3 hours of sleep or 8.  Christ is enough for me.  May He be the center of my life, and the place I fix my eyes. Amen.