Musing of a grief sticken woman-part 1

I have many small thoughts that hit me like a semi-truck or things that run through my mind that I feel like sharing. This is my forum for these thoughts.

-Most women would rejoice that they fit into their pre-pregnancy pants; I sat on the floor of my bedroom and cried.

-Yogurt was my pregnancy food; it helped keep the nausea at bay and kept me from getting hungry while sleeping. Eating it now is hard, and I just don't want to.

-I keep speaking about my pregnancy in the present tense and then I remember...

-I used to look at my belly in the shower thankful that it was growing; now I look down and wish it were there.

-What do I do with things like the pregnancy test, things that we kept with such joy?

-I keep remembering things I've said throughout my pregnancy that are painful to think of now. Examples: "What an amazing blessing that no woman in our Bible study has miscarried." " All of these women are having their second babies, I think one would be more than enough for me."

-"What if" questions may be worse than "why" questions. Both occur far too frequently.

-The people who come by remind me of how blessed I truly am. If it weren't for them, I'd get too lost in the blessing I've lost.

-I can't imagine going through this with anyone but Herb. I am married to the sweetest, most gentle and patient man. He is one of God's greatest gifts to me.

-My attention span is very small. I can't stay focused on one thing for too long. Very unusual for me.

-Music gives me words to talk to God when I have none. I'm thankful for that.

-I think about dumb things like "I haven't shaved since the miscarriage" and I am resistant to doing those things, like it will somehow change what already is.

-I don't miss work at all; it's a very strange phenomenon.

That's all I got for now.