Decision Making

So I started planning last night for school next week and within minutes I was stalled with a dilemma. I have two possible courses to take with my Juniors and I still can't decide which road is better. There is no wrong answer just two different paths, which makes it infinitely harder to choose one.

Anyone who has gone out to eat with me knows that I am an extremely indecisive person. I can't choose a restaurant, I prefer to eat out with my mom because I can't usually choose just one entree and we share, and then I quibble with myself over how much tip to leave. Ridiculous! Why can't I choose? And even more ridiculous, why did someone as indecisive as me go into teaching?

What they tell you in college is that you make thousands of decisions a day. "Can I go to the bathroom?" Yes or no. "May I turn this assignment in late?" Usually no, but it depends on the circumstances. "Can we work in partners?" Wholly dependent on the kid. Why didn't it dawn on me that a job of decision making wouldn't fit well with my indecisiveness???

At first I thought that it would be good, that the experience would grow me and that I would be better at making decisions by the time a year was through. Nope. Not true. I just use my job as an excuse to be indecisive in other areas of my life. "What are we having for dinner?" I don't know, babe, I just made a thousand decisions today, you choose. An excuse. My other way of dealing is to be fully reliant on the brains of others. This phrase doesn't make sense to some of you, but to others you remember well the nights I texted or called asking to use your brain. I have to hash things through with another person, get their input and then have them check my decision to make sure it's the right one. Co-dependent I know, but I just can't make instructional decisions alone. It's a lot of pressure.

For example, my planning last night, the two distinct paths, both of them are good. Both of them would be valuable to the kids. But which one would be best? And when I do decide, I'm stuck. This decision stays with me the rest of the semester. So much pressure!

But really, not. I mean, as I said before, both are good options. The kids won't be scarred by a wrong decision. So why do I dwell? Why question? I don't know...all I can say is this: I'm working on it. And hopefully one day my theory will come true and teaching will have converted me into a decisive person. But maybe, just maybe, I have to decide to be decisive. If so, help me God!