He is Good

The Question: "The real question is if all of those horrible things were to happen why can't you believe that God is good enough to take care of you and forgive you even then?"

How we got there: Last night I was explaining to Herb my irrational, erratic fears of late. Example, cooking food for others (something I love to do) is inspiring the fear of "what would happen if I cooked something improperly and they died as a result?" I posed this specific scenario to Herb last night, and he said "You're right that could happen" and then he posed the above question. My husband is a very wise man because that's exactly the right question, exactly the question I've been battling these lasts months. So I started praying over that question last night and...

Here's what happened: I began praying that God would help me believe what I know: that He is good no matter what. The generics were not enough to really convince me, so I began trying to think through specifics. I started to pray "If Herb and I were to lose our jobs, have no money and be homeless, You would still be good and You would still be there. If someone were to break into our house and physically hurt us both, you not only would be there in the midst, you would not leave our side as we tried to heal. If I were to somehow become responsible for hurting or killing someone (God please forbid it), You would still be good, You would still be there. I would still be forgiven." I continued to pray that God show me He is good, that He would help me in my unbelief of His goodness. Despite circumstances. Despite the world. Despite Satan's attempts to hurt, kill and destroy. Despite my own sinfulness. God is good.

While I have some control over my life, some control over my circumstances, God has ultimate control. God has ultimate authority. And no matter how hard I try, my control WILL NOT prevent horrible things befalling us. So if they will inevitably happen, if life will spin out of control, out of my control, then I have a choice. I can spend my time fearing what is to come, fearing the endless horrific possibilities, or I can trust. I can trust that I will never be alone. I can trust that the God of the whole universe who gave so much for me will still love me. I can trust that He does not change, He has been and always will be GOOD. Circumstance cannot change His faithfulness. And I can choose to not allow circumstance to change mine.

If I make my mind up ahead of time, decide that I am going to believe in the goodness of God no matter what, when circumstances befall us and trials shake my foundation, when it would be so easy to question and doubt, when it would be so hard to believe in His goodness, then I will not have a choice. I've already made the choice. It is not open to discussion because I've already decided. God is good, no matter what I am facing, so I should not fear or worry. Because no matter what happens I will not be abandoned. It may be awful and hard and I may feel like I'm drowning, but I won't be in that water alone.

The words of the Beaver in response to Lucy 's question of Aslan's safety in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe echo in my mind: "He's not safe, but He's good." If I'm not expecting safety, but instead goodness, peace becomes easier. If I believe He is good I can cease striving and rest.

Here's the answer: I must believe God is good.

This is the blessing: Peace amidst circumstance.