Hiding

I'm not sure what it is about the first week of summer vacation, but for me it can inevitably be summed up in one word: "hiding." I sit in my pajamas, drinking coffee, watching TV or reading a book and do little else. But it's more than that. I will read emails, but I'll rarely answer them. I'll put my phone on vibrate and answer only if I hear it. I don't know why I can't muster the strength to engage with the real world, maybe because it seems too real. There is something about this first week that begs me to escape from reality and delve into moments of peace.

This seems anti-social for a people lover like me, and I am always baffled when I go into "hiding" this first week back. But upon reflecting for this entry and trying to come up with an explanation, I think I am a little less confused at my behavior.

I once read that in order to care for others, you have to care for your own heart first. I think I devote this first week to caring for my heart that has been neglected for the past weeks or months. So I find things that tend to my soul; guilty pleasure example, I watched a Lifetime movie last night. Not exactly high quality, but a reminder of how love looks different to different people. I watch baseball, a slow moving game that allows my mind to wander or my hands to find various tasks. I cuddle with my hubby on the couch, getting reacquainted with his heart and thoughts on the world. I read a good book, an escape from reality and an adventure that requires no physical effort from me. I recharge my soul.

The other aspect of hiding that brings me great joy is to be still. I take this moment, this week, this brief stint in my life to be still. The Bible says to "Be still and know I am God" and sometimes in the rush of the day to day I forget this commandment. This week affords me the chance to "be still" and in that quiet God speaks to me. He tends to my heart, He reminds me of truth, He reaffirms who I am in Him, and He lets me wrestle with doubts that have crept in. There is something about His quiet that is rejuvinating and nurturing to who I am in this moment. Broken, weary, sad, hurt, stressed Katie collapses at His feet, and in those moments "the warrior is a child".

So if you find me hiding this week, if you wonder where I've disappeared to, please don't take offense. Please don't fret or fear. I will resurface, and when I do, you will find me more whole, more at peace. May you find a chance to hide in your busy week as well. It brings comfort and healing, something we all desperately need.