My best friend Lindsay loves the word "Hope", and as it has been a common theme in my life of late, I've come to a greater understanding of Lindsay's mantra. When I was in high school my name in Spanish class was always Esperanza because I loved the idea that my name could mean Hope. As with most words, I think the meaning and value of the word has changed in my eyes as the years have passed. In high school, I thought of Hope more like a wish, or what our pastor explained as "the absence of fear". While I still believe Hope is the absence of fear, I've come to see an even more profound meaning to the word.
This week's sermon at church touched on the subject of why bad things happen to good people. This question is often asked, especially when enduring a trial like that which has faced my family these past months and weeks. Why would we lose Aunt Kelly to cancer? Why would God take such a vibrant woman at such a young age? These questions have been posed to me these last weeks, and I don't even begin to know the answers to those questions. But I found that Hope has prevented me from asking "why", Hope has begged me to ask "What now?" Let me take you back a few months to give a more ample explanation...
In March when we found out the brutal reality of my aunt's cancer, I cried, but I felt like I cried very little for the weight of the situation. I was concerned about this, and when my mom and I travelled to Sacramento to visit with my aunt I began to realize why. I told my mom that I have such great Hope that the Lord knows what He's doing. I have great Hope that if she loses this battle, she'll be at home with Him. And if that's the case, why should I weep? My mom assured me that there was nothing wrong with that, but that I should still allow myself to grieve.
And in coming weeks and months I did weep. I wept and continue to weep for those of us left behind. I do not weep for Aunt Kelly. I have Hope that she's singing and dancing her heart out at the feet of Christ. My Hope comes in the faith that the events of my life, of the lives of people around me, are with great purpose. Yes there's consequence to action, yes there's temptation and meddling by Satan, but more importantly there's Hope in what God will do in my life through this situation. There's Hope that God will change others through Aunt Kelly's life and death.
Ultimately it boils down to this (yes this is an oversimplification, but go with it), Hope is not regretting what has happened, it is trusting that it will result in greater things. Notice that I avoided saying "Hope is not questioning" because I feel that there is a place for questioning; I think God wants us to question, otherwise how would we find deeper answers. But I believe that Hope asks the right questions. Instead of asking "why?", ask "what now?", ask "how will You use this?", ask "who will be changed and how will I be a part of that?" Hope is asking questions with faith that God has a greater purpose in mind, one that we may not always see, but one that will shine a light brighter than we can imagine on our lives and on the lives of others.
So Linds, I ask permission to share your mantra. May I Hope along with you? I sure Hope so because it brings me a great peace I can't even begin to explain.
3 comments:
Hope is love actually...as Aunt Kelly lived her last days, she gave us an opportunity to love her in a different way. She allowed us to see that while it may be difficult to go on, we have each other. There is hope in the going on-the waiting and watching for what how the Lord will use this life and yes this death. As we loved her and watched and waited for the moment she would go to be with the Lord, we had moments of peaceful silence, joyous laughter recounting life events, and times of building bonds and memories as an extended family that now includes some of her friends like Jackie and Lorna.
In my devotional reading yesterday from Streams in the Desert it talked about the songs of the heart only learned through sorrow and trial. The writer said, "He (God) sends sorrow to educate you, thereby providing you with the proper training for His heavenly choir. In the darkest night He is composing your song. In the valley His is tuning your voice. In the storm clouds He is deepening your range. In the rain showers He is sweetening your melody. In the cold He is giving your notes expression. And as you pass at times from hope to fear, He is perfecting the message of your lyrics." George Matheson
This resonated with me-a love music analogies! But it also offered hope that this time of grieving will give me new range and expression as I join others in their walks through life.
I am blessed that Katie would write about hope. When Katie was 3-4 years old she had a nursery rhyme book that he mom read to her. One time I was reading to Katie out of this book and we were finished with one of the rhymes. Katie looked up at me with a bright sparkle in her eyes. It is said that the eyes are a window to the soul--I think this is true- as I felt like God gave me an opportunity to look into Katie's soul; and the word that came to me was hope! At that point, I wondered whether we should have named Katie Hope. She had such eager anticipation in her eyes as to say-Dad-"What Now" God has given me much hope through my wonderful, godly daughter who I probably should have named Hope.
How about we hope together and for each other? I love you!
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