Anticipation and Faithfulness

At church last night Pastor Bryan asked us to think about the theme of our lives for 2008. After brief ponderings I came up with anticipation. Anticipation of Herb graduating, anticipation for Herb's bar results, anticipation in getting a house. The waiting is how I initially characterized my year.

But then before communion Bryan prompted us to think about how God worked in our lives in 2008. So I began to scrutinize the details of our year more closely. Here's what I came up with:

Last winter began the long haul for Herb to complete his thesis paper for graduation. Not only was he challenged to find enough research, but in the final weeks he was asked to write a second paper. We questioned and feared that he might not graduate, but he did. The Lord was faithful to walk us through the anxiety and fears of those papers and left us joyfully tearful for huge accomplishments in May.

June began the push for the bar exam. Hours of studying, practice exams full of frustration, wondering if enough time was being invested. No surety in the results of the exam. July came and went, and with prayers and much waiting October arrived with a passing score. God was faithful to walk beside us as we waited on His timing and His results.

August found me heart broken in my classroom. The book was pulled, my teaching methods and ideas were questioned, and my students were torn apart. I lost faith in myself, I wondered if I truly was called to teaching, and I pondered where I belonged. By November I was sitting in Borders Books listening to my students speak so profoundly about the book and other novels, and like a proud mama I basked in how God is faithful to make all things good.

November also brought crumbling dreams of our first bid on a house. The home we initially hoped for fell through the cracks. Heartbreak and questioning ensued again. Couldn't one thing go right? But oh how our Father was faithful to place the perfect home in our laps! How beautiful His blessing and how covered in love this home is, just in time for the holidays!

In the midst of communion last night I realized that the theme for this year may have been anticipation on my human end of things, but God's theme for my year was His faithfulness. I am constantly drawn to this characteristic of God, it's an attribute I love and adore often. Yet the wonder and beauty of His faithfulness is new every morning, every year, especially this year. And I realized that it's more than His faithfulness I see as beautiful. Each of the hardships, though seemingly ugly in the midst, created such beautiful, awe-inspiring moments in my life this year. If I didn't have to live through the brokenness, would I have fully seen the joy? If these blessings had been easily granted to me, would I have seen them as the rich blessings they are? If the journey was a straight path, would I fully see and appreciate my steady, unchanging, faithful God leading me? Probably not. 2008 was full of heart ache and joy, waiting and unveiling, questioning and faith, but it was also always full of a faithful God.