Sometimes...

Sometimes I say too much. I'm not very good at holding my tongue, knowing when to stop, understanding what is appropriate to say and what is inappropriate. This often gets me in trouble. I feel anxious that I've crossed a line. I feel ashamed that I've judged or insulted someone else. I worry about how it will affect those who've heard it and the ripple effect that will result. Sometimes I say too much...

Sometimes I feel lonely, like I'm the only one in the world trying to form relationships with others. I work at building bonds with others, but often feel like a failure. I've not asked the right questions or suggested the right activities. But more often than not, people are just involved in their own world, just like me. It's not personal, but sometimes I feel lonely...

Sometimes rules must be broken. I feel often like rules will be my sanctuary, if I follow the rules I will be safe. But what a lie! Rules are man's attempt to explain our infinitely unexplainable God. Man's rules will not protect me from the uncomfortable plan God has for my life. Sometimes God is calling me to break rules, sometimes He is asking me to push boundaries. In the realm of a vast God, sometimes rules must be broken...

Sometimes I can see how God is working, and what an amazing glimpse! He tweaks my heart one way or shifts a circumstance in a new direction and there it is, the smallest glimmer of His plan. These are the moments worth holding on to, these are the times I feel most at peace. Sometimes I see God how God is working...

Sometimes words just are not enough. This one is hard for me to admit, words shape my life experiences, they define the worlds I escape into, but sometimes words cannot hold the emotions bursting from my heart. Sometimes words fail to explain the love or joy someone brings to my life. Words can barely hold the hope God fills me with. And yet I still try, try to fit these feeble words around my heart. But sometimes words just are not enough...

How is it then that sometimes I say too much and sometimes words are not enough? How can it be both? I guess sometimes life is a paradox...