I'm SO Over It

Last night I went to Saguaro's graduation to witness the graduation of Spencer Aubrey. I babysat Spencer for five years when he was younger and the Aubreys are my other family. It was an honor to be there and celebrate Spencer with their family!

But as I sat at the graduation for my old high school, I realized I am SO over it! What do I mean? Well, this is the third Saguaro graduation I've attended since my own, and each one has grown successively easier. The first graduation was painstaking because I was worried about who I would run into and what people would think about who I had become. Part of that was troublesome because I was still in the process of forming who I was post high school. The second graduation, much of the same feelings lingered, but Herb was there so I definitely felt more confident about sharing exciting news in my life.

This third time was much easier. Although there were some faces I recognized as I scanned the crowd, I was not at all intimidated to run into them. I'm a successful teacher, I'm happily married and their opinion of me doesn't matter anymore. When I was in high school (as is the same for every high schooler) the opinions of my peers mattered immensely. And while the opinions of my peers do matter now (I want them to view me as an effective and successful teacher) they no longer define me the way they once did in high school.

I think much of this valuable insight comes from working in a high school. Attending graduation last night, it was easy to scan the crowd and identify my students (figuratively speaking) in the crowd. I could call the students by name as they walked past. Although unique and special in their own way, each student possesses qualities that are recognizable in other students. It was also easy to realize that high school is just a small portion of life; as I listened to the same graduation speech for the fifth time (they all begin to blur together as the years pass) I was reminded that this is just a starting off point for life. It's easier for me to think that way now when I'm a part of building these minds and truly preparing them for life outside of high school. As I will attend graduation at the end of every year for years to come, I will continue to realize that this commencement is important because it ends an important chapter and springboards them in to even more important chapters of life.

So as I look back on high school, I can have perspective. It was a building block to who I am today, and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. But I've also moved into the more important chapters and I can be proud of those as well. It is no longer scarring to return to Saguaro, and it is no longer frightening to see faces in a crowd. They are just a part of my past that will forever be woven into my identity, but who no longer define my successes and failures. That power isn't their's to have anymore, and I am more at peace for it.

(As I finish this post, I'm not sure I have expressed myself very well. It may be edited again because I'll think over it and find things to change. That is what writers do, and this blog is my attempt to be a writer.)