The Journey

I've been told before that I do not enjoy the journey because I am too focused on the end result. And to many extents (much more as I continue to evaluate) this is true.  I despise writing rough drafts or expecting them of my students because all that matters is the end result.  Right?  If the paper is good, why does it matter how I got there?  I really didn't enjoy being engaged all that much because I couldn't wait to be married.  The process was cumbersome and full of decisions made in attempts to please many parties.  In some ways this attitude also comes out in how I approach a school year.  I sometimes zoom in on the major projects, getting to the breaks and submitting grades instead of relishing the in-class moments I have the privilege of enjoying with my students.

But I think I am experiencing a change in this area of my life.  I do believe God is growing me in my understanding of the journey.  I am beginning to learn the value of the process in arriving at the product.  

I realize now that I have somewhere deep inside of me believed that if I did all of the right things, computed the magic formula, I would "arrive" perfected and with no room to grow. How naive!  In the words of Paul in Phillipians 2 "equality with God is not a thing to be grasped."  Jesus got that, and He was perfect!  So why do I try to grasp it?  Why do I believe I'll arrive at the flawless end product any time soon?  I have so far to go.  It seems irrational when I think about it, but I surmise that my theory, my tenet came from fear of the journey.

You see I'm beginning to understand that the journey, the process is painful.  As for all heroic journeys, the character doesn't grow unless he is stretched beyond his means.  The hero is asked to leave the comfort of his home, and sometimes his friends, and trust the map and his leader to bring him safely to his goal.  I fear the hero's journey in many ways.  Not many people sign on for leaving their comfort zone, enduring great pain and oftentimes having to do both of those things alone.  And when we see others sign on for those assignments we often deem them courageous or foolish.  But I believe we are being called to be both.

It's time that I accept that the things that are going to grow me, the things that I eventually will consider with all joy, are those things that hurt, that cause me to take risks.  It is time that I live with a reckless abandon, with a foolish courage and embrace the journey that the Lord is taking me on.  Although this sounds crazy, it is a decision I do not make alone.  The decision is one that leads me into the presence of the Lord.  I am going to embrace the process and offer up this prayer:

"O Christ, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,

but give me powers equal to my tasks,

for I want to be stretched by things too great for me.

I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,

but I shall need your help for the growing."

~E. Stanley Jones