Topics of Conversation

Melinda and Mika just left our apartment, and I sit here reflecting on our hours together.  The four of us sat around for literally four hours talking about any number of things.  We bounced from school to television to games to food, but we always landed back in one place. Disneyland. Of course.  This happens often, but particularly our recent visit caused more focused discussion. It is remarkable to me that there is really so much to say on this one topic.  But as I sit here and ponder our topic it makes complete sense to me.

For one, I love to tell stories.  Each of the four of us enjoys telling stories.  So the fact that Herb and I spent three days at the place we love provided much Disneyland story fodder for the conversation.  Not to mention that Mika and Melinda have spent so many cumulative hours in the park that their story cache is also endless.  There is something comforting about hearing the tales of others; stories told about a familiar setting with common characters.  It feels like I've opened a favorite book to read over again, a Jane Eyre or a Pride and Prejudice, where the story resonates in your soul and conjures nostalgia.  It sounds cheesy, but it is so true.  Talking of Disneyland brings an excitement and joy that comes from remembering something that brightens my face when I think of it.  I love those kinds of memories, those kinds of conversations.

There's also the English teacher, nerdy analysis, that our conversation felt comfortable because we spoke in familiar jargon.  The Disneyland language is one we all speak together; it comes easily, requires no explaining and begs complete understanding from all discussants (or at least all of these discussants).  Speaking a common language gives me the feeling of being understood, like I don't have to find the words to make myself clear, they are already available to me.  Which leads me to my final idea about this topic of conversation...

Something about sitting around chatting with Melinda, Mika and Herb about Disneyland makes me feel known.  I love that feeling, the feeling that somebody gets you.  It sometimes the joy I find in teaching; the moment when the students "get" what I'm saying is magical.  The same goes for our easy going conversation tonight.  There were no pretenses, no facades, just authenticity.  I have the inclination that this feeling wasn't derived from our topic of conversation, but rather the friends I was with.  Although the topic is important and the details are often telling, the happiness and comfort comes in the time spent; the time spent becoming more fully aware of each person's idiosyncrasies or ways of thinking.  So while our topic of conversation allowed us the insights, it was the simplicity of being together that made the evening what it was, an amazing experience of feeling loved.

Thus I think it is less about the topic of conversation and more about the people.  Less about the fight to get the last word in and more about the shared common experience.  It is about knowing others and being known.  This is why we talk, often for hours on end.  We walk away not with more intelligent things to say or more stories to share (although those may be side effects), but rather we walk away feeling less alone.  And that's what really matters.