This sucks. It is total crap. There are very few things about our situation that I don't hate. But this is my bummer of a life, I've only been given one. These days, these moments are mine and once they are gone they cannot be recaptured. So no matter how awful my circumstances may be at the moment, no matter how steeped in anguish these next few months might be, I want to live my life.
I do not want to look back and see these few months wasted in waiting for something that I cannot have at the moment. I do not want to trudge through these days wishing them away. These are my days, my months, or rather God's days and God's months, and I want them to have meaning, to have purpose. After all Jesus came that I may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10).
So how do I find this abundant life amidst what feels like a hole of sorrow? One thought I have is that "whoever loses his life for My sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25). I should let go of what I've been holding on to in search of something greater. I don't know exactly what this something greater is. I do not know what specifically can fill my days with purpose. I KNOW for certain that getting up daily and following the Lord is my purpose and He is what motivates this desire of mine to live intentionally.
But what can I DO with my days to live intentionally? How can I make these months memorable for something other than the painful waiting that is upon me? How can I live out the greatest commandments: "'And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself' There is no other commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:30-31)?
What ideas do you have? I'd love to hear them!
I know intentional living should stretch far beyond these three months, every day of our lives should be intentional, purposeful. So I am looking at this as the beginning of a journey to purposeful living, the first planks in a bridge to an intentional walk with Jesus. These next months are about my pruning, about God working, about opportunity for God to work in my heart. I do not want to be closed off to His purposes but rather open to His work, moldable and teachable. Thus I want to seek to live with purpose, with intention.
How can I practically live with purpose? I look forward to your thoughts on intentional living.
A Year In Review
7 years ago
5 comments:
Once, a while ago, when there was no hope for baby in sight, I remember thinking that I had been given the gift of time. With that, I went part time and had much more time to enjoy things I already enjoyed, but didn't have much time to do. I was able to clean my house inside and out, meet with friends more often, read, take walks, spend time with my dogs, and feel more relaxed overall. All those things combined actually gave me many moments when I felt at peace with circumstances. I don't know what it will be for you, but I will say a prayer that you find it!
When I feel stuck in my circumstances and notice that I'm carrying around the "woe is me" monkey on my back (not that you don't have a valid reason to do so, but I also think it puts us in a vulnerable place for Satan) I like to get out and serve others. The feeding ministry we've volunteered at a few times in South Tucson is still going on Tues, Thurs, and Sat. That's just one place that comes to mind. Praying with Sarah that you find what works for you!
Hmmm....I have a few thoughts.
I know that the D-word (desire) might be on your shit list right now, but I like to start there. I like to start by asking myself what I most want. I know that the thing that you MOST want is off limits right now, but is there anything else? Are there any other dreams in the wings?
I try to mine the resources of my being, and I ask myself clarifying questions:
If I could only do one thing today, what would it be? (Credit where credit is due: I got this from a guy who has a great blog, Scott Ginsberg)
What would I need in order to really bring myself to this day?
If I knew that this situation was never going to change, how would I want to behave? (Got this one from an old T.V. show, STARTING OVER)
What values of mine still hold the kind of meaning that makes me quiver, and how can I put them to use this situation?
What still brings me delight? How can I do more of it?
Sometimes I work on implementing the parts of my dreams that I do have control over. I look for ways that I can express that part of myself, even if I'm not expressing it in the way that I had planned on and dreamed of.
Sometimes I close my eyes and visualize myself taking the kind of stance towards the day that I'd like to see myself take.
Sometimes I make up stories with myself as the main character (in some more appealing form, of course) living in the way that I'd have myself live.
I try to infuse as many parts of my day as I can with my dreams, with the values that hold deep meaning, and with the ways of being that bring me delight. Hope something here helps! love, laurie
Your absolutely right Katie. When the pain is the greatest we need to cling to our faith and live intentionally for HIM. It's the in between time when God is moving us from one place to another. God gives a greater grace during that time and we can trust Him that what He has for us is far better than what we think we want for ourselves. That is how I am trying to live right now but I have to completely depend on Him. Love dad
Hi, Katie,
As with all advice-take it or leave it. :)
I was thinking a bit about what you said regarding the days passing by and you really wanting them to COUNT.
Do you remember the Faith Hill song "Secret of Life"? There is a phrase in that song that has stuck with me. It says, "This is your life, welcome to it."
There have been a few times in the past 10 years or so, specifically regarding my schooling, where I have felt like I was WAITING or in some sort of a holding pattern. I kept thinking, "I can start my life when I get finished with school." or "I can start my life when we move out of this house."
And somehow God keeps putting that line into my head. It reminds me that what I'm doing NOW is valuable to God and the people he's given me.
Hope to talk to more about it soon.
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