"I have hope!"

"I have hope!"  This is said with a cheesy smile, a trite tone and a "way to go" swing of the arm. Can you picture it?  This vivid image has been floating through my head the last few days taunting me.  This past year has brought many-a-trials with it,  but I have muddled through with the thought that "it's okay, I have hope."  Example, when we lost Aunt Kelly, I thought "I'll make it through, I have hope."  Which is very true.  Hope does give us the strength to live on in a very painful world.  But yesterday I was praying about the new heartbreaking things in my world and I thought again "It's okay, I have hope!"  Then the following conversation occurred: 

Jesus' response to me "Don't guard your heart that way!"

"But you gave me hope.  I'm using it."

"Yes, but it's not an escape.  You still have to feel it."

"What do you mean 'feel it'? I'm feeling it."

"Are you? Remember pain has a purpose."

End of conversation.  Jesus was right. (I know, oh so surprising!)  While hope is an amazing gift it can't be a scapegoat.  I can't hide behind hope as a means of not experiencing the pain and realities of the situations I face.  Because the pain has a purpose and if I don't allow myself to experience the pain I won't grow.

I began to process this more and I thought about how scary this could be.  It is important, invaluable to allow myself to experience pain.  However it is also invaluable to protect my heart or allow God to do so.  It is important to not allow the pain to consume me, consume my thoughts or dictate my attitude.  I must find a balance.  

Ah, that word balance.  It pops up everywhere in my life.  Yet it's true; it's imperative that I allow the pain to have it's purpose, and allow Jesus to give me hope.  I can still have hope.  It is still a tool that Jesus is going to use, but I can't hide behind it.  I have to allow the pain to have a purpose, and the growth the results can be yet another source of hope.  I do have hope, but I'm now going to use it as God intended, not abuse it to spare me pain.