I've been avoiding the thought of school lately, partially because I'm not relaxed enough to return back (although who ever is?!) but also because I fear I'm in over my head this year. Taking on two new courses, one at a much higher level of cognition, my AP Literature course, and one at a lower level of cognition, my adaptive English class, seems a bit daunting. Did I mention that I'm also playing the role of mentor for three new teachers on campus? Seems like plenty, right?
Well there's more. We've been playing with numbers, a dangerous deal at the school level, and it seems that we have too many students to fit into our course offerings. So now the game becomes how can we eliminate a class to make the class size more equitable? There is discussion of consolidating my AP classes into one and then giving me another American Lit course so as to make more room for another Senior composition course. Confusing stuff indeed! And I definitely don't have a better solution, and I feel badly for Cindy and Krista as they try to come up with a viable way to fix the numbers.
But as I think on this topic I get more overwhelmed. If I were to go down to one AP class and take on another American Lit class, it essentially means more grading. Because part of the draw of the AP and Adaptive classes was smaller class sizes, the thought of losing that and gaining more students means more time grading. I thought it would be a trade off, more planning for less grading. But now it just looks like both will happen.
So what all of this has done is put me into panic mode about the upcoming school year. Instead of being fired up to teach again, I'm just worried that I will lose my identity as Katie Sue Garcia and become solely Mrs. Garcia. I'm afraid that this next year will entail much time at school and not much time with my husband, friends and family. But I want you all to recognize the verbs in the last two sentences, worried and afraid. These are Satan's words and I know that he is wielding them powerfully in my mind right now.
If I were wise, I would realize that God has a plan for this year, He always did, even when He knew the numbers. Even when He prompted me with the Adaptive opportunity or the Cognitive Coaching opportunity, He knew what was in store for me. He had a plan, He had a dream for me with a desire to see me thrive and live life abundantly. The Lord will supply all my needs, according to His riches and glory. I need to trust that. And what really needs to happen in my head and in my heart is this: I need to let go of my worries and fears and let God be in control of what this year will be. Am I any good at this particular task? No. But do I want to be? Yes indeed I do. Thus, I am going to try my hardest not to worry about the year to come and instead I'm going to trust that God will take care of it. He does have a plan.
I guess this was all just a ramble to say, though I'm in over MY head, God's way above that. I'll survive and when I do it'll be a testimony to God's provision. And in the meantime I'll hold on to these words from one of my favorite Watermark songs:
Over time you've healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
And though at times it's just enough to cast a shadow on the wall
Lord I am grateful that you shined Your light on me at all
Honesty
8 years ago
3 comments:
thoughts and prayers for you during the chaos, friend.
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
… you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,….
Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
Isaiah 43:1-5
July 8 entry in Steams in the Desert...."They will soar on wings like eagles." Is 40:31
There is a fable about the way birds first got their wings. The story goes that initially they were made without them. Then God made the wings, set them down before the wingless birds, and said to them, "Take up these burdens and carry them." The birds had sweet voices for singing, and lovely feathers that glistened in the sunshine, but they could not soar in the air. When asked to pick up the burdens that lay at their feet, they hesitated at first. Yet soon they obeyed, picked up the wings with their beaks, and set them on their shoulders to carry them. For a short time the load seemed heavy and difficult to bear, but soon, as they continued to carry the burden and to fold the wings over their hearts, the wings grew attached to their little bodies. They quickly discovered how to use them and were lifted by the wings high into the air. The weights had become wings. This is a parable for us. We are the wingless birds, and our duties and tasks are the wings God uses to life us up and carry us heavenward. We look at our burdens and heavy loads, and try to run from them, but if we will carry them and tie them to our hearts, they will become wings. And on them we can then rise and soar toward God. There is no burden so heavy that when lifted cheerfully with love in our hearts will not become a blessing to us. God intends for our tasks to be our helpers; to refuse to bend our shoulders to carry a load is to miss a new opportunity for growth.
May you soar like an eagle this year-with His wind beneath your wings....
Post a Comment